HomeFuMP ArchiveFuMP VideosThe FuMP SideshowAbout The FuMPFeatured ArtistsThe FuMP Online Store
 
Username:
Password:
2009-08-04
Project Sisyphus The Prices Suck At Whole Foods 

You know, when a song’s got the word “suck” in the title that kinda tells you a lot right there, doesn’t it? Like Kelly Clarkson’s “My Life Would Suck Without You.” Perhaps you’ve seen the endearing video, in which the two antagonists’ property-destroying quarrel stops, sadly, just short of a homicide that might rid the world of future Kelly Clarkson songs.

This frustrating, dysfunctional relationship is like me and....well, Whole Foods Market. I really want it to work, but often wonder if we’re right for each other. Even popping in for a quick bite from their food court is never simple. After hiding my gas-guzzling SUV at the back of the parking lot and tossing a sweater over my “Nuke the Whales” T-shirt, I sneak into the store, dodging the guy outside with a clipboard and an agenda. The salad bar’s priced by weight, a business model not likely to work to my advantage, but whatever.

The real problem comes after my meal’s finished, and I must run the gauntlet of choosing a number of confusing recycling options. Usually, unable to determine what is “#2 PETE” from “Compostible,” I just take it all with me, to be returned respectfully to Mother Earth along the highway from the window of my smog-belching chariot.

Cari Golden stars as our frustrated, overcharged eco-shopper. And thanks to Below Average Dave for his many clever ideas on this which I completely ignored.



This song is now available on the following CDs:
   
Comments:
2009-08-04 maxgoof
How do you do it? This is so full of awesome.
2009-08-04 Balder
What Max said. This is tremendous work.
2009-08-04 Spaff.com
Project Sisyphus rules. I love this song so much that I want to get Moneyshot Cosmonauts to cover it. I just have to find out if Bob and Cari are available.
2009-08-04 madmanOTL
Awesome song and very true.
2009-08-04 davidtanny
Never been to Whole Foods, but I know that prices suck at Vons, Ralphs, and Albertsons. Good song.
2009-08-06 ProjectSisyphus
Thanks guys. Spaff sometime we gotta figure out how to put together a live show. I've always ruled it out for SIsyphus because it would be stupid and expensive. But hey, it's not like that's stopped me yet.
2009-08-07 djseamus
Brilliant Bob and Cari...way too many clever lines to cut and past on to the comments page here. I hear ya, prices suck at City Market, too: Burlington, VT's answer to Whole Foods. We're soon to get a Whole Foods franchise, though. (shudder, shudder....) What kills me is that here we are, a nation of overweight people and healthy, organic food is becomming less and less affordable to us. Meanwhile, our farmers are producing way too much corn, so the corporation keep putting high fructose corn syrup, the sweetener of the Devil, into everything. We, the common people are making ourselves fat, and the corporation is making it harder and harder for us to eat sensibly. I'm done now....phew! Can't wait to hear what Sisyphus has planned for dessert!
2009-08-08 dino-mike
Very nice work Bob!!! And yes, the prices do suck there... oh well, it is what it is.
2009-08-12 posom2
Awesome song, hilarious and true to the letter. BTW I thought it sounded like you were making a reference to flower's ghost from meerkat manor before I checked the lyrics.
2009-08-13 davewhite
Another example of Emmett Excellence. Will use this one on next Tuesday's show.
2009-09-05 MattMan_1_00
Loved the song, and Cari has such a beautiful voice! Definitely one of the best songs and singers I've heard in a looooooong time!
2009-10-31 kyril96
"I may yet get cancer, but I will never rust"...I still love that line.
2009-11-02 SailorVoid
I loved this song just from the title. I make sure to listen to it often when I'm driving to work. Sometimes I catch myself singing it there, too. Gotta be careful, though, since I work for Whole Foods.
2009-11-02 SailorVoid
I loved this song just from the title. I make sure to listen to it often when I'm driving to work. Sometimes I catch myself singing it there, too. Gotta be careful, though, since I work for Whole Foods.
2010-09-17 NotQuiteNormal
I was browsing the archives and this song caught my attention. WHY? Because I work at Garden Fresh Gourmet in the Dips department... which makes WHOLE FOODS all natural dips and hummus. I guess working until 1:05 A.M. today isn't enough. I also have to hear songs about the hummus we just ran today. Great song though! I really enjoyed it.
You must be logged in to leave a comment.
Show your support for the artists of the FuMP by making a donation or signing up for a premium subscription.
Level 1 Subscription
Level 1 gives you access to all the high quality (320k) MP3s, including all the songs in our archive. Click here for more information.
Level 2 Subscription
Level 2 gives you access to all the high quality (320k) MP3s, including all the songs in our archive, plus you will receive our bi-monthly compilation CDs with some great bonus material. Click here for more information.
Donate To The FuMP
Any amount is greatly appreciated by our artists.
Host A Banner Ad
Tell all your visitors about The FuMP by placing a banner ad on your site. Click here for the available banners.
Podcast Promo
If you host a podcast please consider running our promo on your show to spread the word.
Have a funny song? Submit it for consideration. If we use it you will be paid and your song will be included on the next FuMP compilation CD.

Click on the link below to submit a song.
Get the latest songs for free, downloaded automatically, or hear Luke Ski and Devo Spice discuss the most recently posted songs.
Click here for podcast info.
C'mon... be our friend! Please?
The FuMP on MySpace
The FuMP on Facebook
The FuMP on Twitter
Radio stations can now download 320k MP3 files ready for broadcast directly from TheFuMP.com. Click on the link below for more information.