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Robert Lund and Spaff.com Bert's No Good 
So there's this petition at change.org urging Sesame Street to "let Bert and Ernie get married." It has garnered over 10,000 signatures. While that number isn't earth-shaking, it is - admit it - more people than care about whose knot you tie.

Meanwhile, Sesame Workshop's position on Muppet sexuality is that Bert and Ernie "are not gay, they are not straight, they are puppets...they do not exist below the waist." Ha.

This song, arriving in the heat of the debate, has nothing to do with that.

The story just presented an opportunistic lead-in to this parody of John Cougar [Mellencamp]'s "Hurts So Good," which, after simmering for six years, finally worked its way to the top of our to-do list. And which should give Ernie cold feet about any nuptials. If he had feet.

M. Spaff Sumsion: Concept and lyrics
Robert Lund: All vocals, music, and production

This song is now available on the following CDs:
2011-08-16 wildcard9
I always knew that Bert was evil, just look at that unibrow!!
2011-08-16 mrwompy
As always ... another GREAT parody from the two of you!! Lund & Spaff make me LAFF!!!
2011-08-16 weirdojace
Haha, that's awesome.
2011-08-16 stevegoodie
God I'm worried about you guys. Great job! Well done! Mup-tastic! (But, um, your lyric page doesn't quite match up with your audio... just sayin). Keep it up! You rock and rule as always!
2011-08-16 Spaff.com
Thanks for the comments, kids!

Steve: Oops - I forgot to update my site. The 2005 lyrics are frozen in time on Amiright.com, but they're all better now on Spaff.com.

This comment has been brought to you today by the letters TYVM.

2011-08-18 ProjectSisyphus
Brilliant, guys. According to my daughter, the show - which began sometime during the last Ice Age - started going downhill about the time Cookie Monster started to eat organic broccoli.
2011-08-18 Adam
Awesome as always. One question though. The line, "Sometimes Kermit shoots up in da hood" - Was that a reference to Sad Kermit? Well done!
2011-08-18 Spaff.com
Adam: Funny you should ask. I originally wrote it as "Sometimes Kermit pimps in da hood." I later changed it and sent it to Robert as "Sometimes Kermit shoots up the hood" (i.e., with guns). Robert read it and sang it as "Sometimes Kermit shoots up in the hood." It's debatable whether Kermit is more prone to prostitution, violence, or drug abuse, but, to answer your question, the reference to "Sad Kermit" wasn't intentional on my part. Unless it makes us seem more pop-culturally astute, in which case, yeah, we totally did it on purpose.
2011-08-18 Spaff.com
Oops, didn't mean to overlook your comment, Bob. Ya know, someone ought to write a song about Cookie Monster eating something other than cookies. I suggest the title "C Is for Lettuce."
2011-08-19 Jeff Reuben
I remember this, I loved it back when I first read it on amiright, and loved hearing the recording now.
2011-09-01 Balder
The danger of falling behind on FuMPs is that I was late to this pigeon party. Great work Spaff and Lund. And don't worry about seeming pop-culturally astute. You've clearly got 'Street cred.
2011-09-07 davewhite
I agree with Steve Goodie!!
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