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2009-10-09
Baldbox Bunny's Big Day 

DAD: Would you like to hear a Baldbox fairy tale about a little bunny and his big day?
KID: No.
DAD: Once upon a time...

Bunny had a busy day.
He ate his breakfast right away.
He made his bed, and went to play.

All his friends came by to say,
"Silly Bunny, what the hey?
Bunny, it's your wedding day!"

Bunny hop.
Bunny run.
Bunny still
Want to have fun.
Bunny free.
Bunny young.
Bunny run away.

They found him at the Green Beret.
He'd had a fifth of Tanqueray,
And half a box of Chardonnay.

They told him it would be okay.
He rambled 'bout the CIA,
And cried that he was so cliche.

Bunny dude,
Bunny man,
Bunny dude,
What the hell, man?
Bunny dude,
Come on man,
Seriously, dude.

(Over the above)
Man, commitment and life and love and dude what do you want for yourself and you're not 16 anymore and devotion and kids and you'll break her heart and is this really what you want and besides dude I'd totally hit that.

Well, Bunny thought about his friends' sage advice, about what he had, and how lucky he was, and about what he really wanted out of life. He nodded soberly, and the effort caused him to fall off his barstool. He awoke and found himself standing at the altar. He looked down at himself and found he was cleaned and dressed. He looked to his Best Man, who gave him a smile and a thumbs up. The strains of "Here Comes The Bride" echoed through the church and he turned to see the woman he loved, her eyes glistening, a smile devoid of any doubt crossing her beautiful face. She loved him. She would always love him. And Buuunnyyyy...
...yyy threw up on his fiancee.
He overturned the whole buffet.
He tinkled in the creme brulee.

He stole the one-horse open sleigh.
He hit the reverend's Chevrolet.
He fractured seven vertebrae.

They haven't seen him since that day.
Police have found his DNA
From Providence to Santa Fe.

But he's in Hell with Pinochet.
He's beating Nixon at Croquet.
And shacking up with Hemmingway.

Bunny go!
Bunny gone.
Bunny mow
Satan's front lawn.
Bunny know.
Bunny blow it.
That's the Bunny song.

DAD: Wasn't that a nice story?
KID: Stop making music, Daddy.

Copyright 2009 Rob Balder / Tim Crist
May be distributed under Creative Commons Attribution- Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License
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