EL
I HAVE AN EXPIRATION DATE;
MY EGGS ARE GETTING OLD.
 
MEL
OLD EGGS

EL
IF I WAIT TOO LONG, MY KID WILL HAVE 
SIX LEGS (OR SO I’M TOLD)

MEL
TOO MANY LEGS

EL
THE PRESSURE’S GETTING STRONGER
AND MY MOTHER’S ALMOST DEAD

MEL
THAT’S HYPERBOLE. 

EL
I WISH I COULD IGNORE
THE LITTLE VOICES IN MY HEAD

EL
HUSH NOW…
IF YOU'RE QUIET, YOU CAN HEAR MY

BOTH
(TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK)
MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK.

EL
YEAH, SHE'S REAL AND I ONLY JUST MET HER

BOTH
SHE'S TRYNA COME IN BUT I DON’T WANNA LET HER.

MEL
WHISPER…
SHE IS SLEEPING, DON'T WAKE UP MY

BOTH
(TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK)
MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK.
MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK.

MEL
SOMETIMES I FEEL THE KICKING
OF A BABY THAT’S NOT THERE.

EL
A GOO GOO GAA GAA

MEL
I DREAM OF BLOOMINGDALES MATERNITY
AND ALL THE GREAT BIG UNDERWEAR.

EL
LIKE A NURSING BRA.

MEL
I STARE AT LITTLE CHILDREN
ON THE SUBWAY EVERY DAY

EL
LIKE A PEDOPHILE.

MEL
I'M SLOWLY TURNING INTO
A REBECCA DEMORNAY

EL
WHAT?

MEL
FROM "THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE"

EL
THAT MOVIE WHERE SHE STEALS THAT NICE LADY'S BABY AND BREASTFEEDS IT

MEL						EL
THAT’S SO CREEPY…  				I KNOW . . .

BOTH
HUSH NOW...
IF YOU’RE QUIET, YOU CAN HEAR MY
(TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK)
MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK

BOTH
SHE ANNOYS ME UNLIKE ANY OTHER
SHE’S COMPLETELY UNBALANCED, JUST LIKE MY MOTHER.
WHISPER...
SHE IS SLEEPING, DON’T WAKE UP MY
(TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK)
MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK
I’M STILL YOUNG, I’M STILL HOT, I’M STILL WILD
I’VE GOT PLENTY OF YEARS TO CONCEIVE ME A CHILD

MEL
I MIGHT WANT A BABY.

EL
DO I WANT A BABY?

MEL
I THINK THAT I FEEL IT.

EL
I’M STARTING TO FEEL IT.

MEL
I MIGHT LIKE TO HOLD THE BABY

EL
ROCK THE BABY

BOTH
AND I CANNOT CONCEAL IT
AND I CANNOT CONCEAL IT!

HUSH NOW
PLEASE BE QUIET, I CAN’T STAND THIS
(TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK)
MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK
SHE’S AN ALIEN LIVING INSIDE ME
SHE’S FLIPPIN MY HOUSE, 
SHE WANTS TO SUBDIVIDE ME.

SILENCE…
SHE IS WINNING, I CAN’T STOP THIS
(TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK)
MY BIOLOGICAL
GETTING PREGNANT’S THE ONLY SOLUTION
BUT WHO’S GONNA GIVE ME 

EL
A SPERM CONTRIBUTION!

BOTH
SPERM CONTRIBUTION!
WHO'S GONNA GIVE ME THEIR SPERM
WHO’S GONNA GIVE ME
WHO’S GONNA GIVE ME THEIR SPERM