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2013-12-13
Mikey Mason Strip Club Christmas This song contains language that may be objectionable to some listeners and may not be suitable for radio broadcast.

I'm gonna have a Strip Club Christmas, All of my stockings are gonna unwrap themselves. I've been much too bad a boy for Santa and his elves. I'll celebrate the holidays With a big pair o' boobies in my face, Cause I'll have a Strip Club Christmas. I'm gonna have a Strip Club Christmas I'm not dreaming of a wonderland of snow. Just put three dancers on the stage And I'll have my Ho Ho Ho. The only stockings that I need Are hung from garters above the knee, Cause I'll have a Strip Club Christmas. (spoken) Why, you ask? Why a Strip Club Christmas? Well, I'll tell you. It solves all your holiday problems. It doesn't matter how drunk you get, you're not ruining their Christmas. Face, they're STRIPPERS, for God's sake. You're better than family. You're a client. And if someone does get out of hand, they've got bouncers to throw you out. Don't you wish YOUR family Christmas had bouncers to throw out the drunk bastards pissing you off? Yeah... And youknow what else? There's no family agenda. They don't care where you are at what time and whether or not you've talked to everyone in the room. It doesn't matter if you're in a dark corner or front and center on pervert row, man. They're cool. They even make a special trip to see you after their dance. They all do. Makes you feel special. Wanted. And you don't have to worry about what to get them for Christmas, either. No... They're fine with singles. Shortens the shopping list, you know what I mean? And as for Christmas decorations, well... I just make sure I hang the mistletoe right from my belt. I know it's wishful thinking, but it's worth a try. You never know. It IS Christmas. Tiffani with an "I" might be in the giving spirit. And you tell me, which do you think Santa wants more: milk and cookies, or beer and a lapdance? You bet your ass he does... I'm gonna have a Strip Club Christmas, All of my stockings are gonna unwrap themselves. I've been much too bad a boy for Santa and his elves. I'll celebrate my holidays With a big pair o' boobies in my face, Cause I'll have a Strip Club Christmas. You keep Rudolph with his big red nose, And I'll take Bambi in her fishnet hose, And I'll have a Strip--Strip Club Christmas!
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