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Worm Quartet Fueled By Angst This song contains language that may be objectionable to some listeners and may not be suitable for radio broadcast.

In 2003
I had a great idea for a song
I took the tears and fights and sleepless nights
And turned them into a synth-punk singalong
They say living well's the best revenge
But I suspect they just don't know
The joy of seeing a song about your ex
Top the charts of the Dr. Demento show, yeah
[music] I shook the hands of my brand-new fans
Who shared my misery
They thanked me for the perspective shift
And sometimes bought a CD
A three-minute time capsule of my pain
But it's been buried for so long
That I never think about her any more
Even when I'm performing that song, cuz

I'm married to an awesome girl
My hardcore potty-mouthed princess
But the way she rocks my world
Has totally screwed my prolificness
Time is a bandage for all wounds
And though there's scars beneath each patch
How can I bleed onto the page
When there's no scabs for me to scratch?

Waiting for her to wise up and leave
Then I can cry and sulk and grieve
And maybe add a few more records to my meager discography
Cuz who the hell wants to hear a song
About a couple who generally gets along?
She's ruined me artistically cuz I'm fueled by angst - and I'm running on E

In 2010
I weighed over 300 pounds
And half the fun of my live shows
Was just watching me move my mass around
I developed a unique choreography
Of walking left to right then back
And every jaw would drop with awe
Every time I didn't have a heart attack

I'd bitch about my manboobs
And I'd jiggle them for spite
I'd shake the stage with my girth and rage
Than thank you all for coming out tonight
I'd gingerly replace the microphone
And through the crowd I'd lurch
To offend the nasal glands of the other bands
And sweat all over my merch, yeah

The elephant in every room
I learned when I was just a kid
My shield was laughing at it first
And louder than the bullies did
But it turns out eating less food works
And now I've lost a third of me
And as I shrunk so did my target
For self-deprecating comedy

Waiting for old habits to resurrect
Waiting for that familiar what-the-heck
And restoration of the mountain that this molehill used to be
My doctor loves my LDL
But my muse is cursing me from hell
No more lardass jokes for me cuz I'm fueled by angst, and I'm running on E

I need a girl to rip out my heart again
I need to burn my fat man bra
I need pain and strife to ignite my life
I need a holiday in Cambodia
I want to burn my bridges, scorch the earth
And bring about the end of days
But I'm living too far from the fuse
To ever set this world ablaze


I've got a kid, I've got a house
I'm healthy, married, and employed
Can't you feel my painlessness?
Step back, I'm mildly annoyed!
My music was a weapon once
Each verse a pure destructive beam
But from my bunker in suburbia
No one can hear me scream

And so I'll pad out every show
With songs that you already know
Bitch along with my younger voice's Prerecorded harmony
But as far as midlife crises go
This is cheaper than a GTO
And less work than therapy though I'm fueled by Angst, and I'm running on E

Copyright 2014 Timothy F Crist
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