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2018-12-07
Devo Spice Lap Dog This song contains language that may be objectionable to some listeners and may not be suitable for radio broadcast.
featuring MC Cone

MC Cone:
Finally got an off day -- what a good day
To get some stuff done but first relax and lay
My legs up on the ‘cliner, it’s a Lazy-Boy
Sitting with my Lazy boy, (puppy talk) oh your such a good boy
Can’t be mad at you, you’re too innocent
Aside from when you chew up my shoes and shit
I got a whole lot of things I have to do,
But you’re on my lap, now I have to choose
Between getting things I gotta get done
Like brushing my teeth or vacuuming the rug
Or doing the dishes, or cleaning dead bugs
Off the unpainted windowsill, or hugging my grandmom
Gotta pay some bills but my computers over there
Wanna read a book, but.. that’s also over there
Phones about to die, so I can’t browse Reddit
Because guess what -- the phone chargers over there!
My plants need watering, the pigs need slaughtering
The gods need an offering, and Gaga needs a glittering
And the fools keep littering, my front lawns a mess
But I don’t have the heart to wake my dog yet
I can’t scratch my itch, I can’t relax
I can’t pop a DVD in my T.V. set
Can’t get the controller and I can’t take a shower
I swear to the lord my dog has all the power
Why’d I get a lap dog? I thought this would be great
I mean it is.. but everything I do is done late
My food got burnt, it’s sticking to the plate
And then I had to cancel with my supermodel date
Hair is everywhere. Like literally everywhere
On my clothes, my floor, my chair
Can’t even clean that because Rover won’t move
So I can’t drive us to the shop to get Rover groomed
There’s so many things I would like to do
But I can’t ‘cuz my dog is curled up too
Comfortably on my lap, taking a long nap
I guess I’ll lay back, What’s a guy like me to do?

I don't know. Actually, you know what? I'm going to ask my neighbor Devo Spice. Devo?

Devo Spice:
I’m afraid I can’t help, ‘cause I’m laid up myself
And I can’t reach my notebook ‘cause it’s way up on the shelf
And I’m trapped with a dog in my lap on my couch
I just have to accept it, this is my life now
I’ve been here all night, think I might go berzerk
But then on the bright side, I can’t go to work
So I call up the place full of wonderful yuppies
“Boss, I’ve got a case of the comfortable puppies.”
May be here a while, got a hunch it’ll be fine
As I watch all seven seasons of Once Upon a Time
I’d put on something else, but I’m stuck in this position
Can’t reach the remote and I’m regretting this decision
Yes, Netflix, I’m still here, what’s it to ya?
Do ya really need to question my life? I thought I knew ya
Who are you to pass judgement how I choose to exist?
Need I remind you that you made Iron Fist?
What can be done to get this dog off of me?
My legs are going numb and I really have to pee
But he’s having a dream that doesn’t seem to be letting up
Even my watch is yelling at me that I should be getting up
And just when I think I can’t handle any more
I get a glimpse of the shadow of a man at the door
And as a choir of angels from Heaven sings
He pushes the button and my doorbell rings
*ding dong* And my dog explodes
Digs his claws into my legs and just shreds my clothes
I’m bleeding pretty bad ‘cause I ain’t puppy-proof
I think he hit an artery, but at least I can move

So, uh, MC Cone, you want me to come ring your doorbell?

No, no, you know actually, I’m fine. It’s not that bad. Right, Rover?
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