Marriage is between one man and one woman
Read your bible, have faith, believe (and shut up)
God loves you, that's why you're an abomination that must be fixed
Cause it was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve

We've all heard this stupid slogan
It's gross and it's mean and it's wrong (and it's stupid)
And while fighting against it, I've been convinced it
Was all about me all along

If it was Adam and Eve and not Adam and Steve
Then I guess I don't exist
Cause my little brother's name is Adam (and I'm Steve)
So I'm even more existentially pissed
He's even more existentially pissed

So if you're wondering why I turned out so weird
Maybe it's because my parents were so anti-homophobic that they unconsciously made
me and my brother the poster siblings for tolerance without consulting us, and as a result
I, Steve, have taken on the role of The Entire Problem and frankly that's EXHAUSTING!
(I mean that's exhausting)
So I'm a sensitive and confused hetero white male with issues
Poor poor me! Hey let's all sing!

If it was Adam and Eve and not Adam and Steve
Then I guess I don't exist
Cause my little brother's name is Adam (true story)
So I'm even more existentially pissed
He's even more existentially pissed

Sara: Hey Uncle Steve...
Steve: Oh hey SaraI Hey everybody, it's my niece! What's going on Sara?
Sara: I just wanted to say I think it's awesome that even though you and my dad are
Adam and Steve, neither of you is gay... so checkmate homophobes! The slogan
doesn't mean what you think it means! But of course, I'm gay, so maybe it skips a
generation?
Steve: Hmmmm... I'm not sure... but hey, shall we sing the chorus again?
Sara: Yeah!

If it was Adam and Eve and not Adam and Steve
Then I guess I don't exist
Cause my little brother's name is Adam (true story)
So I'm even more existentially pissed
I think it goes all the way back to my bris
The party of smaller government says cease and desist
Now if you say “gay” they get their panties in a twist
Uh, separation of church and state? Have you heard of that, ya nitwits?
And hey, how did my name get mixed up in your bigoted bulls***?
Now I’m even more existentially pissed (everybody)
He’s even more existentially pissed

Hey Florida... GAY!