The FuMP

The FuMP

2020-09-08

Artist

Title

Play Now

Play

MP3 (320k)

Everyone knows that after the assassination attempt on Randy's life by lunatic super-stalker Jonathan Henry Sinclair, Randy retreated to the Far East to study advanced meditation and furniture design with the mystics. It was during a deep theta expansion of his consciousness that Randy had an epiphany, and the Universe revealed that his true calling was not only to protect himself from harm, but to teach others how to protect themselves. Van Stone Head of Security, former Special Ops hand-to-hand combat trainer and cagefighter Porkchop was enlisted to teach Randy the fundamentals of the Eastern martial arts. Armed with arcane knowledge of three evasive self-defense techniques, Randy developed "Rockate", a fighting style that combines the lethal aspects of Okinawan karate with the stage swagger of rock-and-roll. Randy opened a string of dojos across the contiguous United States, but because of multiple class action lawsuits, all locations eventually closed -- except for the flagship operation in Palmdale, California, next door to the Piercing Pagoda. Ki-ya!

Lyrics Embed

Copy the code below and paste it on your web site, blog, or anywhere you can input HTML to share this song.

Lyrics

My fists are registered as lethal weapons cuz I’m a (black belt, black belt!)
And I can break more than boards, I can can break your neck, ki-ya! (black belt, black belt!)
And I can beat that dude from Bloodsport who played Ogre in Revenge of the Nerds (black belt, black belt!)

I ain’t no Tae Kwon Do, I ain’t no Bushido
(Not even trained in Shonen)
But I’ve got style, there’s no denial
(He’s the black belt of rock-and-rollin’!)

I am a ninja! I am a monk! I am a samurai! (black belt, black belt!)
And I and kill you with just one punch, yeah, straight between the eyes (black belt, black belt!)
So don’t try to eff with me, dude, cuz if you do you do and you die (black belt, black belt!)
Chuck Norris was a movie star, now he’s a really close friend of mine (black belt, black belt!)

I ain’t no Tae Kwon Do, I ain’t no Bushido
(Not even trained in Shonen)
But I’ve got style, there’s no denial
(He’s the black belt of rock-and-rollin’!)

Oriental chicks effy essy my dee, love me love me long time (black belt, black belt!)
My meditation techniques and some herbal pills help me eff all night (black belt, black belt!)
Her boyfriend comes home and he tries to start shizz, but I run away (black belt, black belt!)
Cuz a warrior knows when it’s better to live to fight another day (black belt, black belt!)

He walks the desert of a lonely land
Carries the burden of his fellow man
This is the curse of his black belt skill
He can never use it to hurt, to kill
His Higher Purpose is the Greater Good
Helping the losers in his neighborhood
Losers! Losers! Losers! Losers in his neighborhood.

EVIL SENSEI: “Ha! Your rockate skills are very good, but it’s no match for my testicle-fu.”

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

And all you jocks at school who thought you were cool, well, look at me now (black belt, black belt!)
I’m on top and I can’t be stopped, Ki-Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! (black belt, black belt)
Jimmy [NAME DELETED FOR LEGAL PURPOSES] try to wedgie me now! (black belt, black belt!)
I’ve gotta gun and I’ll shoot you for fun, pew, pew, pew, pew! (black belt, black belt, black belt, black belt!)

RANDY: (crying) “Motherfucker, I swear to God. Fuck you, Jimmy.”