From the desert it came
To live in a vase in my domain
Tall it stands, plump and green
Biggest spines you've ever seen

It catches your eye from across the room
And now it might spell a painful doom
For in your mind a plan is born
The worst idea you've ever formed

There is nothing for you to gain
From the impulse inside your brain
So before you indulge this vice
Let me insist that you think twice and

Don't put the cactus in your butt
Don't put the cactus in your butt
I can't stress this enough
Don't put the cactus inside your butt

How do I get this into your head
That thing will rip your insides to shreds
You'll get no chance to say goodbye
You will suffer and then you'll die

Now I'm not one to kinkshame
But I just don't get your "end" game
This is no way to lose a friend
I couldn't imagine a worse "end"

And let's not forget one important key
The cactus in question belongs to me
So you can scream, and you can whine
The only butt it's going in is mine so

Don't put the cactus in your butt
Don't put the cactus in your butt
Put my cactus down at once and
Don't put the cactus inside your butt

It's my cactus, my butt, get your
My cactus, my butt, get your
My cactus, my butt, get your
My cactus, my butt, get your own