Dear God
Please don’t let my face explode
Please don’t let my bones fall out
Please don’t turn my nipples into giant screaming heads
Don’t like Bjork and Dracula
Make out with my spatula
Please don’t let my butt be confiscated by the feds
These things I do implore thee
O God please don’t ignore me
I may be paranoid as hell but who made me that way?
The world is really scary
And that is why I’m very concerned about all that could happen today
Don’t stick me ‘tween two irate
Rhinos who are trying to mate
Don’t replace the raisins in my bagels with dead flies
Please don’t let my spleen expire
Please don’t set my mom on fire
Please don’t let my wife be Gilbert Gottfried in disguise
O God why won’t you listen
I’ve been a perfect Christian
Except for all the blasphemy and heresy and sin
Not looking for direction
Just asking for protection from this screwed-up world that you have stuck me in
Please don’t let my sperm mutate
Grow until they’re six foot eight
Start a revolution and devour me from within
Please don’t turn my Pepsi One
Into rancid bison dung
Please don’t let me be buttfucked by Teletubbies again
It’s not that I’m not grateful
In fact I’m very faithful
Whenever I had to fart in church I always held it in
I’ll follow you forever
Just promise that you’ll never let anything bad happen to me again
It’s not that I’m not grateful
In fact I’m very faithful
‘Sides Allah said he’d do it so don’t make me turn to him
I’ll follow you forever
Just promise that you’ll never let anything bad
Never let anything bad
Never let anything bad happen to me again
Amen
©2001 Timothy F. Crist
The FuMP
2020-12-29
A new rendition of an oldass WQ song, and the second song from "Stupid Video Game Music" I've redone this year. Huh. I just realized that. Weird. Anyway, I performed this live for "FuMPFest At Home" and it was well-received, so here's a studio recording.
This song seems strangely appropriate for the end of 2020.
Let us pray, dammit.
Vocals and piano by Shoebox
Mastered for The FuMP by Devo Spice
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