[v1]
Are you happy?  Are you happy?
Are you happy?  Well you're gonna be
'Cause the one who'll make it happen is in front of me
And it doesn't even matter if you wanna be
It's the Groundhogcow, now that's the man
And playing banjo with his stubby hands is the plan 
You see the key to being happy isn't money or love
It's a groundhog dressed in a cow suit, duh
Many people tried to resist his charms
They dismissed his arms, and even missed alarms
Then the next thing you know the banjo is in their heads
Growing louder and louder and then boom, they're dead
So be a good sport, and listen to him play
Otherwise, you may have a pretty bad day 
He'll play beautiful melodies until you're crying
He's gonna make you happy or he'll kill you trying

[chorus]
Groundhogcow is the creature's name
And everyone who sees him never feels the same
He plays a mean tune with a minor glitch
He's the banjo killer, so yee-haw, bitch!
(whispered) Groundhogcow
(whispered) Groundhogcow

[v2]
His fame slowly grew as word started to spread
As he figured out a way to put his art in your head
Now the charts are all red with all the tunes that he's sung
And he's got Happy Meal toys so he can start 'em off young
His rabid fan base is sometimes literally rabid
And any new song that comes along they gotta have it
He's on Facebook with a million likes or so
His MySpace page is kinda desolate, though
He learned that playing banjo could relieve your stress
Then he found a copy of Deliverance on VHS
From there he'd try to play for anyone he'd come across
If a couple died, hey, that's an acceptable loss
He toured for three years without so much as a break
Leaving a path of plinky destruction in his wake
And the cow suit?  There's an explanation for it
He couldn't fit into the badger outfit
(chorus)

[bridge]
His popularity has grown so much that they say 
He'll be the subject of a film directed by Michael Bay
Except instead of a Banjo he will play a tuba
And he won't be a groundhog, he'll be a barracuda
And he'll dress like a platypus instead of a cow
It's still about a banjo killer but I'm not sure how
The one concession that he's made to all the fans he's appeasin'
Is that lots of people's heads will explode for no reason

[spoken]
So at least there's that.

[shouted over explosion noises and screaming]
Are you happy?  How about now?  Hey you, are you happy yet?  No?  We need more banjo, people!  More banjo!  (large explosion)

[verse 3]
He's got a growing following of fans who wallow in his songs
Who suddenly were fans of banjo music all along
And they share it everywhere, they would wear it if they could
It's all Creative Commons licensed so to him it's all good
That only helps spread the happiness, but of course
That means the curse is spread too, making the situation worse
Kentucky fared OK, Tennessee absorbed the cost
As did Georgia, but New York?  Yeah, was a total loss
His TV show is Sunday mornings all across the nation
And he'll happily accept your tax deductible donation
One day the ratings dropped, and the reason that was noted
Said no biggie, that just meant a bunch of viewers' heads exploded
People come from all over the world to see him play
And one day I guarantee he'll be in your city, OK?
So put in a good word for me, if you see him first, see
I would love to open for him on his tour across New Jersey
(chorus)

Nobody's head ever exploded after listening to one of my songs.