I can’t feel my legs I can’t feel my legs I can’t feel my legs I can’t feel my legs When I’m around you, I can’t feel my legs Though I whine and I yell and I plead and I beg My limbs feel just like chicken noodle soup And my head feels like poop. You throw me for a loop. When I’m around you, I can’t feel my legs It’s like I’m walking around on chubby jello pegs. There’s something about you that transforms my knees To some cheese that somebody made out of cheese I can’t feel my legs I can’t feel my legs I can’t feel my legs I can’t feel my legs This only happens when I’m around you My body won’t do the things that it’s s’posed to do Like walking, for instance. It’s kind of required. But now they’re too tired. Hey legs, you are fired! This only happens when I’m around you When I’m in your presence, my legs are like goo I’m sorry that you’ve got to see me like this But while I’m down here, would you give me a kiss? I can’t feel my legs I can’t feel my legs I can’t feel my legs I can’t feel my legs Now that you’ve kissed me, there go my arms I’m alarmed that my arms up and bought the farm I’m disarmed, you might say. Have them take me away. On a stretcher. No pressure. I’d appreciate the gesture. I’ll explain to the doctor that I was near you They’ll say “Another one? There’s been quite a few! Gonna have to operate.” “On my limbs?” I’ll ask. “Probably” as they put on my laughing gas mask. I can’t feel my legs I can’t feel my legs I can’t feel my legs I can’t feel my legs When I’m around you, my body fails Like it’s been impaled. Like a humpback fail whale Dead as a doornail. A train derailed. Rather low on the functioning any more scale. When I’m around you, my body fails Like a hamster trying to work retail It’s not your fault, I’m not saying that. You’re attractive. Is what I’m getting at. I can’t feel my legs I can’t feel my legs I can’t feel my legs I can’t feel my legs