I sang about a certain Willy Wonka
As you sat around my little candy store
And now you seek restitution
And demand retribution
Because your mouth is incredibly sore

You recall what I said about the Candy Man
In particular what I said about the plates
You thought it was credible
When I said dishes were edible
Now you’re shoving dental X-rays in my face

Yes I said you can even eat the dishes
Never thinking you’d believe that’s true
But then you bit into a saucer
I’m afraid that’s your loss, sir
Because it fractured a molar or two

Yes I said you can even eat the dishes
And I’m so sorry, pal
But you have no legal footing
So no money I’ll be putting
Toward the cost of your root canal

Kid: But Mr. Wonka ate a teacup. I saw it!
Store Owner: Mr. Wonka has metal teeth! Everyone knows that.

I also said rainbows can become lemon pies
You understood that was purely hyperbolic
But the line about dishes, you didn’t think twice
Now your mouth looks like a work by Jackson Pollock

The finest confections were in your grasp
But you couldn’t get my song out of your head
So you chomped on a platter
Which caused your teeth to shatter
You should have went with the fudge instead

You recall what I said about the Candy Man
So you snuck in, gave yourself a private tour
No golden ticket you possessed
It was your mission to digest
All the china one can possibly endure

Yes I said you can even eat the dishes
But your case was thrown out stat
I will quote the judge verbatim
You’re the nincompoop who ate them
And I suggest you chew on that