Well, I was fresh out of college, I was lonely and single
When I came across the stories by a man named Chuck Tingle
He packs more in his sack than a jolly Kris Kringle
And I couldn’t help but wonder how we could mingle
Many things can qualify to pound his derriere-y
Objects, prehistoric beasts, or creatures legendary
Manifested concepts, interplanetary
No matter what I read, it makes my palms get pretty hairy
Chorus:
I wanna pound Chuck Tingle though I’m not a dinosaur
A bigfoot or a unicorn, that makes him kinda sore
I’m just a simple mortal, a humble troubadour
I’m prob’ly not the buckaroo that he’d be going for
These endless variations are like rule thirty-four
But Chuck…I must implore
Is there room inside your butt…for just one more?
Now, a tingler is a story with tittilating schtick
It’s not ASMR, or a classic horror flick
It’s self-referential fantasy, erotic and slapstick
And I’ve gotta admit that makes me pretty slick
I came to the conclusion just a little too tardy
That love is real, and this guy is pretty smarty
But I’m just a lowly hominid, so it would be foolhardy
To assume I’d be invited to his pornographic party
Chorus:
I wanna pound Chuck Tingle though I’m not a dinosaur
A bigfoot or a unicorn, that makes him kinda sore
I’m just a simple mortal, a humble troubadour
I’m prob’ly not the ladybuck that he’d be going for
These endless variations are like rule thirty-four
But Chuck…I must implore
Is there room inside your butt…for just one more?
There’s gotta be a way into his nether-lattice
A fantasy adventure would completely change my status
I’m gonna save my pennies for a sordid apparatus
It’s the only kind of show that I would offer someone gratis
Where there’s a will there is a way, and I’m gonna make it happen
For that butt is just a wellspring and it sorely needs a tappin’
I’ve found a sweet prosthesis to fill that hungry gap in
It’s shaped like Cthulhu and it’s sturdy and it’s strappin’
Chorus:
I wanna pound Chuck Tingle though I’m not a dinosaur
A bigfoot or a unicorn, that makes him kinda sore
I’m just a simple mortal, a humble troubadour
I’m prob’ly not the buckaroo that he’d be going for
These endless variations are like rule thirty-four
But Chuck…I must implore
Is there room inside your butt?
Is there room inside your butt?
Is there room inside your butt…for just one more?
The FuMP
2022-07-26
Artist
Bad Beth and Beyond
A brilliant author tells us that love is real. Do you want to know exactly how hard I'm fangirling over here? (Hint: it's really hard, baby.)
Bad Beth and Beyond: lead and backing vocals, acoustic and electric bouzoukis, bass guitar
Drumbot: drums
Recorded, mixed, and mastered at the COG Secret Lab by Lewis D'Aubin, New Orleans, LA
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