People say to me, ShoEboX...

You're not ShoEboX!

People say to me, Balder,
You're in The FuMP now.
Will you write any new songs
Or just sit there like a lump now?
FuMPers must be reliable
Like Macs or Mitsubishis.
So I replied to the mailing list
And told them to lick my feces!

Sorry, it was on the backing track.
I wanted to change it.
It's such a hassle.

All my sorry life I've used chicanery and slyness
To avoid any real work, and get by with a C-minus.
Oh I still want the wealth and fame, and to make the front page headlines,
But to be myself I must maintain my disregard for deadlines.

Always take the easy choices, though I always pay for 'em.
Got the discipline of Robert Downey, work ethic of a tapeworm.
I once had to give CPR; I put it off until tomorrow.
Yeah usually I phone things in, if I can find a phone to borrow.

I'm gonna procrastinate
There's nothing you can do about it!
It's gonna be so late
You're gonna wonder if I'm even still a member.
Did I remember?
Did I give up on this thing I helped create?
Naw, I think it's freakin' great.
But I'm gonna procrastinate.

I'm gonna procrastinate.

I should get caught up on things. They say it's a no-brainer.
So I did my '04 tax returns, and I learned the Macarena.
Mr. Green assigned The Illiad in '84. Well guess what, I finally read it!
Maybe he's alive and he'd accept my book report. I could still get partial credit.

What will it get me, this absence of persistence?
Maybe someday on my deathbed I'll review my whole existence,
With all the projects I haven't done, and all my screw-ups in it.
But as it's flashing before my eyes, I'll do it all at the last minute!

I'm gonna procrastinate
There's nothing you can say about it!
You'll need to investigate
When's the last time Old Unfaithful has erupted?
Was he abducted?
Can we get a real guy or is it too late?
Well I know I'm tempting fate...

I can't wait until the day
The giant corporations say,
"We love whatever you call what you do.

On you we hereby bestow
A movie and a TV show
With an extra million just for being you.
Oh they're small, take two."

Ask me where the hell that song I promised to produce is,
I'll completely evaporate, like I'm made out of excuses
Tom will fill up my slot for me, or get one of the new guys,
And when I'm finally out of slack, I'll rip off one of you guys.

I'm gonna procrastinate, there's nothing you can do about it
Go on, recriminate me, I'll be laughing when the fatcats come to take me
And elevate me, to the lofty heights of stardom
But until then I will be the biggest fake you ever saw,
With CDs that I don't play on, and two comics I don't draw,
And a hypertensive bloodstream full of Pez and Mountain Dew,
Cause I swear to God I'm writing this the night before it's due.

I'm gonna procrastinate.
I'm gonna procrastinate.
I'm gonna procrastinate.
I'm gonna procrastinate.

Okay that's good, we'll just cut in the end joke...

BONUS LOST VERSE:
Don't need work make it big, it's a preordained conclusion,
I can live forever on ramen noodles and delusion.
No I'm really not too bad off, it's the Age of Information.
The only thing I can't afford is realistic expectations.