Just wakin’ up in the morn of Black Friday Got a feeling this is gonna be my day No traffic on the ten, but then again Nobody on the road at 2am I got to Walmart, and then I went “whoa!†Finally got a parking spot right there in the front row Runnin’ through my list as I approach the store Thinkin’ will I give, to the santa by the door I got a plushie of a Porg and it’s so soft I think I found a Switch, and check it out it’s half Off, had to stop by the TVs Wavin’ at the cameras so everybody sees me And everything is so calm I got a three-for-one offer on lemon-scented bath Balm, called up the app for the shopping mall And right there is ten percent off it all Get me a new game and a futon Last week shopped around and got a double coupon Meetin’ shoppers on the way but it’s OK I can’t believe today was a good day Drove to the mall to tackle that craze Didn’t even see no people takin’ surveys ‘Cause just yesterday they tried to sell me windows Saw a display for Amazon Kindles No stoppin’, didn’t even feel like I was going to drop it as I finished up my shopping Left the mall before dark and I didn’t Have to look too far for where I parked my car Load it in, load it in, load it in, loaded! Rollin’ down the main avenue I see they’ve opened up A brand new 7-11, another 7-11 And another, how the hell many do they think we need? I picked up a Big Gulp Saw a protester and didn’t have to get involved Plus nobody I know got killed at the mall today You could say it was a good day Stopped at Sears on the way Picked up a grill been trying to find since last May It’s gigantic, I’m thinkin’ Can it maybe smoke every fish in the Atlantic? While I was dreamin’ ‘bout those cravings I pulled out my store card for even more savings And these sales run deep, so deep So deep iPhones are cheap Weren’t no angry chants, and nobody Got trampled by a mob of white women in yoga pants Drove to the pad singin’ softly, took another Sip of my coffee, got a free large Frosty I was glad everything had worked out Dropped my stuff off, and wasn’t burnt out Today was like some kind of fine treat Didn’t even see a granny slippin’ on the concrete No stupid airplanes dragging any banners Two-year-old kids had perfect manners Even found a sale on Goodyear tires Bought directly from their suppliers I’ll admit this was really fun Not even December and my shopping is nearly done Today I didn’t even have to use my A.K. I gotta say it was a good day Wait wait wait what the hell am I thinking? Hey you! Hand over those fidget spinners. I need them for my kids. In fact all the fidget stuff. Fidget spinners, fidget rollers, fidget clickers, fidget dildos, whatever. If it fidgets it’s mine. And you, hand over that “Peace on Earth†decoration or I will beat your skull in!
The FuMP
2017-11-24
Artist
Devo Spice
The holiday shopping season has become absolutely insane. Black Friday deals now start some time in October and people will stab each other for 10% off a blender. I had a thought that a day of shopping where nobody got trampled at the mall would be a good day, and a parody was born.
lyrics, vocals: T. Rockwell
music: C. Mezzolesta, T. Rockwell
parody of "It Was a Good Day" by Ice Cube
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