This guy sued! That guy sued!
These guys sued! Those guys sued!
Restaurants and clubs, all get sued!
[Lawyer up!] Everyone sued!
Sue who we want, we file it online
Settle up front, so I can get mine
This rules [like a mob!] These fools [we can rob!]
'Cause it sure beats getting a job [job!] now [now!]

My grill... burned my right hand
And they settled for three hundred grand
As I lived like some king I soon thought of something
[This process could make us all rich!] Ca-ching!
You think I don't know that? [Whoa!] I'm-a do that
[Whoa!] I'm-a sue that [Whoa!] And then sue that
I sued my own cousin 'cause he borrowed my drill
Now I'm two settlements away from a cool mil

[Lawyer up!] File that suit!
[Lawyer up!] Lifestyle improves!
It's the perfect crime and it works every time and
See my social status is climbing, now
[Lawyer up!] File that suit!
[Lawyer up!] Lifestyle improves!
Get him, get him, get him! Hit him, hit him, hit him!
(spoken calmly:) Yes, your honor, I'd like to state that I was severely traumatized.

I broke in your house, to steal your TV
I slipped and I fell, your dog bit me
You think you're the victim, well here is my dictum
You're gonna be sorry 'cause I know how to pick 'em
Lawyer up! [File that suit!]
I'll get big money and your little dog too!
And I'll buy him one of those fancy diamond collars
'Cause I'm suing for eleventy-billion dollars

Flight 87 on the ground [sounds like you were entombed!]
We were stuck aboard a 747 with no leg room
We were twelve minutes late [late!] by the time we left the gate
[Lawyer up!] Oh man, I can't wait!
My leg got a cramp, I had to ask twice
The free drink I got didn't come with any ice
And the in-flight movie was Smokey and the Bandit
Now I'm represented by a law firm who understands it

[Lawyer up!] File that suit!
[Lawyer up!] Lifestyle improves!
I saw more than I could handle, on TV, what a scandal
So shocked I couldn't even change the channel, now
[Lawyer up!] File that suit!
[Lawyer up!] Lifestyle improves!
Get him, get him, get him! Hit him, hit him, hit him!
(spoken calmly:) Your honor, my children could have seen bare female shoulders.

I'm a... true game player, it's America's way for
Me to get mine, I think I may have hit pay dirt
Don't call it greed, call it my new creed
And what pays for this occurrence? Insurance!
File for free, lawyers take a fee
It's a shopping spree, still have time for tea
There's no stopping me, now I live carefree
It's the R.E., V.E., N.U., [U!] E! [E!]

Take 'em out to eat, my boys it's my treat
Big pile of meat, don't mean to be rude
But you brought too much food... I couldn't eat
All of that, so what you're saying is that I'm a fat dude?
[So?] So that's slander, ask any bystander
Got strong enough lawyers to sue Copacabana
I'm-a own this restaurant, and quite fast
[And then?] I'm-a fire your ass, yes indeed

[Lawyer up!] File that suit!
[Lawyer up!] Lifestyle improves!
Can't smoke on a flight, or when I'm pumping gas at night
Yeah that violates my civil rights, uh
[Lawyer up!] File that suit!
[Lawyer up!] Lifestyle improves!
Get him, get him, get him! Hit him, hit him, hit him!
(spoken calmly:) Your honor, he looked at me in a way that clearly implied "Do you have a problem with that?" which I believe to be a threat, and now I fear for my own safety. I would like to request a restraining order that forbids him from looking in my general direction, plus restitution in the amount of three million dollars, a new Lamborghini, a lifetime supply of Popeye's chicken, and a complete set of first generation Transformers, new in box. And the Megatraon needs to turn into a gun and not a tank. I mean, seriously.

*gavel sound*
Judgment for the plaintiff. Bailiff, make sure he gets his Popeye's chicken.