When there’s a show I like
Seems like I never get to savor it
Before a week goes by
In walks some random guy
With the battle cry
“Which one’s your favorite?”

One sure way to fail my friendship test
Is to make rank something from the worst to the best
“Angel or Spike? Kirk, Sisko, or Pike?”
Why make me choose? Can’t I just like what I like?

I don’t want to rank the captains
Can’t I like them all?
Why insist on a definitive list
Are you trying to start a brawl?

Let’s not fight about Star Trek
I don’t care which one is “the best”
This incessant need to rank things
Just makes me want to scream
So let’s not fight about Star Trek
I can’t think of anything more banal
They’re all great so why debate?
Why can’t we just enjoy them all
And not fight about Star Trek

“Bashir, Crusher, or McCoy?” Must you destroy my joy?
& make me explain my disdain? You’re gonna give me a migraine
This isn’t hard
It’s not just Kirk or Picard
And I can’t disregard
That you forgot about Janeway

I like the new and the old Trek
I like Lower Decks and Deep Space 9
I like the odd-number movies
I like Shatner and Wesley and Bennett and Pine

Chorus

Must you ask such ridiculous questions?
“Do you like Noonien Singh or Noonian Soong?”
I know it’s what nerds do
But I don’t need to hear some yahoo
Say, “Let me explain to you
Why your opinion is wrong”

I disapprove of your disapproving
That doesn’t make me a hypocrite
You’re allowed to like it or hate it
Just don’t expect me to accept it as holy writ

Chorus