Living as a teenage boy is lame
Hormones raging every single day
And the girls everywhere always whipping their hair
And smelling good and toying with my heart
The only thing I think about is sex
It's turning me all stupid and obsessed
And I failed science class and I'm shitty at math
But I'm McGyver when it comes to beating off

And I've got a makeshift vagina cause I'm
15 and lonely and the only willing partner I can find
Is a latex rubber glove stuffed inside a rolled up sock
Wedged underneath the mattress of my bed

Penis you're a blessing and a curse
I'll need you if I ever find a girl
But you're also a pain cause you try to escape
And put yourself in every hole on Earth
God I really need a girl to hold
Tired of boning toilet paper rolls
But the goal seems to be an impossible dream
Until achieved I guess I'll have to live

With my makeshift vagina cause I'm
15 and lonely and the only willing partner I can find
Is an unwashed purple thong and a picture of your mom
Stapled to a rotten piece of fruit

And I've got a makeshift vagina cause I'm
15 and lonely and the only willing partner I can find
Is my cold and tingly hand that I choke with a rubber band
It helps me to pretend
Makeshift vagina