SHOEBOX:
Math is bullshit, it's all just made up
Science jerks invented numbers and said they do stuff
They made it all complex and made it hard to do
So they could say "nyeah nyeah we're smarter than you!"
IAN:
But math is natural, it's found everywhere!
SHOEBOX:
Oh yeah then what's the fucking square root of a bear?
IAN:
That's not how it works, you just don't see...
SHOEBOX:
That sounds like more bullshit excuses to me
IAN:
But a bear isn't a number, you see that's why...
SHOEBOX:
Ah, so only your made up constructs apply
IAN:
Numbers are made up? Dude, your brain's not good.
SHOEBOX:
Well when's the last time you saw a twelve shit in the woods?
IAN:
Zaa?
SHOEBOX:
Math is bullshit, there's just no such thing
It's not like fucking fractions bloom in the spring
Science jerks made it up to pretend they got smarts
While the rest of us just sit around and laugh at our farts
IAN:
Math's a universal language that we all understand!
SHOEBOX:
Oh yeah then why aren't equations read at poetry jams?
IAN:
But you can use it to predict how the natural world works
SHOEBOX:
Then what's the average of a sunset and a pile of dirt?
IAN:
Wait...just...what...bleee?
SHOEBOX:
See your lies all fall apart under close scrutiny!
IAN:
But...I...I...I need a drink.
SHOEBOX:
See what happened there bitch? I just taught you to think!
SHOEBOX:
Math is bullshit, you see what I mean?
Calculators are just automated lying machines
Give it up, science jerks, now you've had your fun
But now you're finally exposed, your deception is done!
IAN:
Clearly...I've wasted...my entire life.
Copyright 2014 Timothy F. Crist
The FuMP
2014-07-15
Artist
Worm Quartet
Just another boring July 15th, certainly nothing new going on in the world of comedy music. What a great time for Worm Quartet to return to The FuMP with a new song without having to worry about anything overshadowing its glory!
This is a song about this concept that science jerks made up called "math." It's got these things called "numbers" and these other things called "operands" and science jerks "use" them to do "calculations," which they think makes them superior to everyone else. Trust me, I spent four years in an engineering curriculum learning this stuff, and it's all just total garbage. I can't believe we're teaching our kids this crap. I mean, if Irving has nine apples and Johnny takes three, Irving should tackle Johnny and kick him in the throat instead of just sitting there enumerating his remaining produce while Johnny scampers back to the ghetto to trade his ill-gotten fruit for crack. But I digress, as it has now taken you longer to read this than it will take to listen to the song, which features Insane Ian and a bunch of profanity and synth noises because that's what Worm Quartet is.
The profanity and synth noises, I mean, not Insane Ian. Insane Ian's appearance is an anomaly.
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