"Pina Colada (the White Lotus song)" lyrics by Carrie Dahlby
v. 1
I was tired of our mansion
I guess we needed a break
We came to White Lotus: Thailand
That was a major mistake
My wife and young adult children
Are with me at this resort
But we’re gonna be broke soon
‘Cuz money I did extort
c.1
But we’ll have pina coladas
And world-class dining tonight
Spa, massages, and yoga
And some “murder delight”
If you like makin’ love with strangers
And some “brotherly love”
Then come on down to White Lotus
Try not to slip on the blood
v.2
Belinda worked hard in Maui
Then Tanya crushed all her dreams
Now she’s training in Thailand
White Lotus is never what it seems
So she’s sleeping with Pornchai
Until Zion walks in
Will Tanya’s widower kill her?
Or make her fortune begin?
c.2
So drink your pina coladas
I made them for our family
If you’re 21 or older
I added exotic seeds…
We better pack our bags at midnight
Before the shoot-out takes shape
Almost a week at White Lotus
Will we manage to escape?
v.3
Chelsea knows Rick ain’t happy
But she doesn’t know why
He’s gonna meet Jim in Bangkok
Jim, you killed my father, prepare to die
But then Rick doesn’t do it
Until, White Lotus, Jim comes
Turns out Jim is Rick’s father
Murdered by his lost son
c.3
So grab your pina coladas
And turn up your TVs
We love Jennifer Coolidge
Walton Goggins, yes please
I wish I had a billion dollars
And a bullet-proof vest
So I could visit White Lotus
Season 4 in Key West
The FuMP
2025-05-23
Artist
Carrie Dahlby
Since I'm quite certain the Venn Diagram of people who watch White Lotus and the people who pay attention to the FuMP is basically a circle, I'm pleased to present a White Lotus fan song. IYKYK.
Parody of "Escape (the Piña Colada Song)" by Rupert Holmes. Lyrics and vocals by Carrie Dahlby. Mixing and mastering by Jace McLain.
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