V E R S E 1
I’ve got a small penis
But that never hurt me none
I said, I got me a small penis
But I still get to have my fun
They say less is more. Well, not about penises,
Maybe they will when I am done

V E R S E 2
I got me a small penis
Don’t make me any less a man
I reiterate: I got a small penis
It does almost everything that any larger one can
I don’t care who likes it or who doesn’t
I am still its biggest fan

V E R S E 3
Yes, I got me a small penis
It isn’t a curse
By which I’ve been struck
I admit that I have a small penis
And I feel no need
To compensate for
My so-called bad luck
I don’t brandish an AR-15
I don’t play my electric guitar strapped low
Nor do I drive a monster truck

V E R S E 4
I got me a small penis
It’s neither wide, nor is it long
As I have made patently clear already,
I’ve got a small penis
But, people, do not get me wrong
For while my penis isn’t very large
I got the balls to sing this song

I N S T R U M E N T A L
- sax solo -

V E R S E 5
I got me a small penis
My condom’s not an ultra max
I once again proclaim I have a small penis
But it can withstand any and all attacks
You cannot insult me about it
With a simple restatement of the facts

V E R S E 6
I got me a small penis
I don’t consider it a drag
I said I got such a small penis
It could never make anybody gag
And if you or your man got a big one
I see no reason you should brag

V E R S E 7
I got me a small penis
Two and a half from base to tip
Well, maybe three, but that’s a stretch
Ain’t no point. Why should I even trip?
(Small penis, small penis)
But if you think that isn’t good enough
You’re the one who needs to get a grip

V E R S E 8
I got a small penis
It doesn’t stand out in a pair of jeans
It doesn’t even stand out in a dick pic
Whichever way that little puppy leans
Now, most guys say they’re above average
I stand out 'cause I know that’s not what “average” means

V E R S E 9
So rise up with me, brothers
Confess you’re less than well-endowed
I said, rise up with me, brothers
You need no more than God has allowed
If we can be cool with our small penises
We will make all of mankind proud

(Mi burrititito es pequeno.)