Sneaking
Snacks Into The
Cinema
An
original rap song about sneaking food into movie theatres.
Written
by Daniel P. of Flat 29, the great Luke Ski & Carrie Dahlby
DAN: There's nothing on the
radio or on the T.V.,
So
I'm going to the cinema to catch a movie
Starring
Pitt and Clooney as handsome spies,
With
Angelina Jolie and a load of other guys.
Called
up to see how much the tickets would be.
I
got in free by pretending to be an O.A.P..
When
I got there I was feeling hungry like Pac-Man,
So
I made a beeline for the snack stand.
CARRIE: Good afternoon I really
hope you are enjoying your stay.
My
name is Carrie. Can I get you any snacks today?
DAN: I'll have some popcorn in
a tub so big you need a ladder,
A
bucket of Coke double the size of my bladder,
And
this bag of pick-and-mix that I filled with Jelly Snakes.
CARRIE: Anything else? DAN:
Yeah, and have one for
yourself.
I'm
feeling pretty generous. So how much'll it be?
CARRIE: Well sir, that comes to
$48.50.
(ALL: NOOOO!!!) DAN:
WHAT? There's no way I can afford it.
And
if I would have thought it, I never would have bought it.
Better
cancel everything I've got so far.
Well,
I think I left my money in the car. (SFX:
car door shuts, drives away)
LUKE: Everything I do in life,
and I don't mean to be crude,
Comes down to practicality, sex, entertainment, and food.
And to me, the last two, they go hand in hand,
So at the movies I attack the frakkin' snack stand!
I order items off the menu in a kind of a blur
'Til I black out and then wake up and then find out what they were.
CARRIE: For the large pretzel
bites in
Take this saw and hand over an arm and a leg, please.
LUKE: Soon I starting to get
worried about going into debt.
CARRIE: The Whoppers cost a
testicle. LUKE: Which, the
right? CARRIE: No, the left.
And if you want the crunchy Nachos, either spicy or mild,
then simply hand over your family's first born male child.
LUKE: What the Hell? I just
came here to watch a cartoon mouse!
I shouldn't have to go and get a second mortgage on my house!
I'll surely miss the movie if the usher kicks my tail out,
So I asked Barack Obama for a federal bail-out.
(ALL: NOOOO!!!) DAN:
Hey Luke Ski, this is daylight robbery!
LUKE: Seriously! This is no way
to run A.M.C.!
So
Dan, my man, here's the plan, voila!
We're
gonna start
The FuMP
2011-04-12
Artist
Flat 29
Do you enjoy buying armfuls of delicious snacks when you are at the movies? Can you actually afford it?
No, of course you cant, and neither can we. So we did a song all about sneaking our favourite meals into the cinema and eating them discreetly under the cover of darkness like culinary spies.
Written and performed by: Dan [Flat 29], the great Luke Ski, Carrie Dahlby Also featuring: Rich [Flat 29] on guitar, piano, and vocals, the authoritative voice of Charlie [Flat 29], and backing vocals by Emily Davis [of no fixed band] Produced by Dan and mixed very late into the night
EDIT: We can now reveal the poster for the new Clooney/Pitt vehicle - Handsome Spies, as mentioned in verse one of this song.
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