The FuMP - Lyrics to The Doctor And William (2025 Edition) by the great Luke Ski

2025-04-27

Artist

the great Luke Ski

Title

The Doctor And William (2025 Edition)

featuring Tony Goldmark and Devo Spice

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~~~ TL;DR: It's an updated remake of a Beastie Boys parody about Dr. Demento & Whimsical Will. ~~~

One of the most iconic 'Side 1, Track 1' songs in the history of Generation X is the first song on the legendary 1986 Diamond Certified debut album by the Beastie Boys "Licensed To Ill", titled "Rhymin' And Stealin'". … Far less iconic is the great Luke Ski's 1997 Certified Plastic sophomore album "Shadows Of The Bunghole". For that album, I had the oh-so-clever idea to begin the album with a parody of "Rhymin' And Stealin'", with the gag being that if someone put the disc in and started playing it, another person nearby hearing the album start would be fooled into thinking the album playing was "Licensed To Ill", and then when the first sound bites and lyrics dropped, they would be overcome with a feeling of jocular bamboozlement. Whether or not that ever occurred in real life is unknown and assumed not ever have actually happened.

After nearly 2 years of finally being able to listen to "The Dr. Demento Show" on the actual radio, I felt the need to pay tribute to the show, to Dr. Demento (a.k.a. Barret Hansen) himself, as well as the weekly purveyor of the "Demented News" on the show, "Whimsical Will" Simpson. So that led me to make a parody of the aforementioned Beastie's song, titling mine "The Doctor And William". I call this type of song a 'forced parody', in which there is no clever wordplay or other logical or parallel connection between the original song and subject matter being discussed in the parody, making it obvious that the author (in this case, me) just REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to parody THAT SONG about THAT SUBJECT despite the fact that it doesn't make any sense to do so intellectually. So, having copped to that, I still really liked what I did with it, with my other MCs making up my Beastie parody trio being J. Styles (Jason Stahl, best friend since the 4th grade) and DJ Skrabble (my brother J.T. Sienkowski). The good Doctor never played this track on his show, but Whimsical Will did report on the song during the July 6th, 1997 edition of the Demented News.

27 years later, an impending celebration of Dr. Demento's birthday made me think it would be fun to give this track an update and perform it live at the celebration with the help of some friends. So I commissioned Professor Shyguy to make a new backing track (and also mix this final studio version), so that I, the great Luke Ski (doing the King Ad-Rock parts), along with Devo Spice (MCA) and Tony Goldmark (Mike D.), and also along with the chanting assistance of Chris Mezzolesta of Power Salad, Insane Ian, and ShoEboX of Worm Quartet, performed it for Dr. D. to the jocular bamboozlement of everyone in attendance.

In conclusion, for the millionth time, thank you to Barret Hansen, a.k.a. Dr. Demento, and "Whimsical Will" Simpson, for bringing so much joy, laughter, and found family together with your decades upon decades of demented news, mad music, and crazy comedy. We owe it all to you. And we will never ever forget to stay deee-mented!

Will the good Doctor play "The Doctor And William (2025 Edition)" on his show? Perhaps he might if the fans REQUEST for him to play it, either from "The Dr. Demento Show" Request Page, or post it with the word REQUEST at The OFFICIAL Dr. Demento Show Facebook Page!

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"The Doctor And William (2025 Edition)"

by the great Luke Ski, featuring Devo Spice, Tony Goldmark,

Chris Mezzolesta, Insane Ian, & ShoEboX.

A parody of “Rhymin’ and Stealin’” by the Beastie Boys, about

“The Dr. Demento Show”, and demented news reporter Whimsical Will.

(*The Doctor is in!!!*)

LUKE: …Because, playin’ funny music’s what he’s all about.

DEVO: He’ll take your internet server, turn it inside out.

TONY: Livin’ in dementia is mental, not physical.

LUKE: With Dr. Demento, and Will gettin' Whimsical.

DEVO: At your beck and call, they will do what you please.

TONY: Just submit a request and he'll play “Dead Puppies”.

LUKE: Doc has

ALL: fifty-four

DEVO: years and countin’ on the air.

LUKE: Will’s got thirty-eight,

ALL: But what do we care?

LUKE: Most funniest people,

DEVO: They get top billin’.

TONY: I get more laughs

ALL: From the Doctor and William!

(*Fire at will.* *Fire at will.* *Fire at will.*

*Fire at will, fire at will, fire at will.* *Fire at will!*)

DEVO: The Demented News is on every week, and Will’s re-

ALL: portin’

DEVO: the ca-

ALL: vortin’

DEVO: of

TONY: Every freak.

LUKE: Even crop field hedgehogs,

DEVO: Are punny and witty,

LUKE: At the Land

TONY: of

LUKE: Dementia

TONY: in

LUKE: Lake-

TONY: -wood

LUKE: City!

DEVO: Will’s at home,

ALL: Playin’ his Sega,

DEVO: Takin’ out a girly by the name of Enya.

DEVO: His hero’s dressed like a bat,

ALL: But don’t you ask him, “Where’s the bathroom’s at?!”

LUKE: The news is always funny,

TONY: Man, there is no doubt.

(*Slow down, mister!* *I’m spittin’ mad!* *Ah, blow it out!*

*Hang onto them hats and glasses!* *Are we startin’ this again?*)

TONY: Because he’s

ALL: got

TONY: More sound

ALL: bites

TONY: than

ALL: C.N.N.!

LUKE: Most funniest people,

DEVO: They get top billin’.

TONY: I get more laughs,

ALL: From the Doctor and William.

ALL SIX: (quiet:) Pico and Sepulveda, Pico and Sepulveda,

(getting louder:) Pico and Sepulveda, Pico and Sepulveda!

(yelling:) Pico and Sepulveda! Pico and Sepulveda!

Pico and Sepulveda! Pico and Sepulveda!

ALL: Home coming shootin’, and carrot juice drinkin’!

ALL: Capitol Steppin', while Ray Stevens is streakin’!

TONY: Tom Lehrer’s prepare-ered, Stan Freberg does Elvis,

DEVO: Col’ foolin’,

LUKE: Vestabule-in’,

TONY: And my bouffant's bulbous.

DEVO: Voobaha, and a bucket of fish heads,

LUKE: And if I was in Monty Python, my name would be ‘Two-Sheds’.

TONY: Saint

LUKE: George-in’,

TONY: Time

LUKE: Warpin’, playing every big hit.

ALL: The o - ther D. - J.s sound - like shaving cream!

LUKE: Most funniest people,

DEVO: They get top billin’.

TONY: I get more laughs,

ALL: From the Doctor and William.

(*Aaah! Noooo! I can’t take it! Nooo! Ahhahhah! –

That’s, that’s okay William! That’s okay William! -

(*Somebody help me!*)

- That’s okay!*)

DEVO: It’s the second week of deer camp, drinkin’ da beer.

(*Open up the door, it’s Dave!*)

ALL: Man, Dave’s not here!

(*Who?*)

LUKE: The FuMP dot com's

TONY: funny women and men

LUKE: had the first six tracks on this month's Top Ten.

TONY: Number Four is

DEVO: ‘Lijah,

TONY: And Three,

DEVO: Muddah, Hello.

LUKE: With Fat at Number Two and Number One is as follows:

ALL: "The Doctor And William" by the great Luke Ski,

ALL: with Devo, Chris, Ian, ShoEboX, and Tony!

LUKE: Most funniest people,

DEVO: They get top billin’.

TONY: I get more laughs,

ALL: From the Doctor and William.

LUKE: He has no patients,

DEVO: And no penicillin,

TONY: Just thousands of tracks,

ALL: From the Doctor and William.

LUKE: With surfin’ old Mimi,

DEVO: And Popsicle Phil, and

TONY: The Demented News,

ALL: With the Doctor and William.

LUKE: The Official Facebook

DEVO: Demento Group has a zillion

TONY: People posting their love

ALL: For the Doctor and William.

LUKE: Bugs Bunny-est people,

(*Eeeeh, what’s up Doc?*)

DEVO (Elmer Fudd voice): I get mowe waffs fwom the Doctow and William.

LUKE: Simpson-niest people,

(*Whimsical Will here!*)

TONY: I get more NEWS from the Doctor and William.

LUKE: Simpleton-niest people,

DEVO: Like Spike and the City Slickers.

LUKE: Home-spun-niest people,

TONY: Like Homer and Jethro, man.

LUKE: Unison-niest people,

DEVO: Like the Bobs and the Foremen.

LUKE: Accordion-niest people,

TONY: “Weird Al” Yankovic.

LUKE: Records spun-niest people,

DEVO: This is the right way to parody,

LUKE: Number One-niest people,

TONY & DEVO: The Beastie Boys!

LUKE: The rerun-niest, punniest, funniest people,

TONY: I hope this is a song that he'll play...

CHRIS (Tile Guy): …O-KAY!

(*Dr. D. theme song plays, noicemakers make noise*)

IAN (Dr. Demento voice): And on the cool checkin’, center stage on the mic, and we’re putting it on wax, it’s the new style! Woo woo woo!…

(*To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time,

and I’ll be happy to see those…*)