Some words you've heard, they sound so naughty
But they're quite innocuous, gosh darn it, by golly
You can say them in church, or in Abu Dhabi
Or in Hobby Lobby, prob'ly

I had a cocktail in Bangkock, watching netflix
'Bout a pilot who dictates, in the cockpit
Now I'm reading Moby Dick, sperm whale's really sick
Blow it out your blow hole, I'm plowing with my backhoe, yo

Your dipthong is cool, your uvula rules
You should masticate a kumquat and some headcheese too
My asymptote is straight, though I might asphyxiate
Choking down, some shittake that I shouldn't'a ate

My beagle bitch is a tracker, your shihtzu a slacker
Forget Tampa Bay, I love my Green Bay Packers
Astronauts get famous, circling Uranus
Like a concert pianist, or president ignoramus

It's always gratifyin' when my shuttlecock's flyin'
I whacked it with my joystick, so satisfyin'
If it 'tis, or it 'taint, is Peter a saint?
All the tea bags in China, made your mama faint

I might be out of line, you got acute angina
Your pussy willow's fine, but this is asinine
I got cotton balls, meat balls, snow balls, cheese balls
Tennis balls, soft balls, matzah balls, and sleaze balls, yo

There's a family of birds, made up of naughty words
Like cockatoo, peafowl, nuthatch, tit mouse, woodpecker, sapsucker... and swallow

These words I've heard, they do sound filthy
But I say them on the air and come back not guilty
There might be some more, yeah I might have missed 'em
But you'll never lock me up in your penal system, words