The FuMP
2009-08-04
Artist
Project Sisyphus
Title
The Prices Suck At Whole Foods
You know, when a song's got the word "suck" in the title that kinda tells you a lot right there, doesn't it? Like Kelly Clarkson's "My Life Would Suck Without You." Perhaps you've seen the endearing video, in which the two antagonists' property-destroying quarrel stops, sadly, just short of a homicide that might rid the world of future Kelly Clarkson songs.
This frustrating, dysfunctional relationship is like me and....well, Whole Foods Market. I really want it to work, but often wonder if we're right for each other. Even popping in for a quick bite from their food court is never simple. After hiding my gas-guzzling SUV at the back of the parking lot and tossing a sweater over my "Nuke the Whales" T-shirt, I sneak into the store, dodging the guy outside with a clipboard and an agenda. The salad bar's priced by weight, a business model not likely to work to my advantage, but whatever.
The real problem comes after my meal's finished, and I must run the gauntlet of choosing a number of confusing recycling options. Usually, unable to determine what is "#2 PETE" from "Compostible," I just take it all with me, to be returned respectfully to Mother Earth along the highway from the window of my smog-belching chariot.Cari Golden stars as our frustrated, overcharged eco-shopper. And thanks to Below Average Dave for his many clever ideas on this which I completely ignored.
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Comments
Balder - Aug 4, 2009
What Max said. This is tremendous work.
Spaff.com - Aug 4, 2009
Project Sisyphus rules. I love this song so much that I want to get Moneyshot Cosmonauts to cover it. I just have to find out if Bob and Cari are available.
madmanOTL - Aug 4, 2009
Awesome song and very true.
davidtanny - Aug 4, 2009
Never been to Whole Foods, but I know that prices suck at Vons, Ralphs, and Albertsons. Good song.
ProjectSisyphus - Aug 6, 2009
Thanks guys. Spaff sometime we gotta figure out how to put together a live show. I've always ruled it out for SIsyphus because it would be stupid and expensive. But hey, it's not like that's stopped me yet.
djseamus - Aug 7, 2009
Brilliant Bob and Cari...way too many clever lines to cut and past on to the comments page here. I hear ya, prices suck at City Market, too: Burlington, VT's answer to Whole Foods. We're soon to get a Whole Foods franchise, though. (shudder, shudder....) What kills me is that here we are, a nation of overweight people and healthy, organic food is becomming less and less affordable to us. Meanwhile, our farmers are producing way too much corn, so the corporation keep putting high fructose corn syrup, the sweetener of the Devil, into everything. We, the common people are making ourselves fat, and the corporation is making it harder and harder for us to eat sensibly. I'm done now....phew! Can't wait to hear what Sisyphus has planned for dessert!
dino-mike - Aug 8, 2009
Very nice work Bob!!! And yes, the prices do suck there... oh well, it is what it is.
posom2 - Aug 12, 2009
Awesome song, hilarious and true to the letter. BTW I thought it sounded like you were making a reference to flower's ghost from meerkat manor before I checked the lyrics.
davewhite - Aug 13, 2009
Another example of Emmett Excellence. Will use this one on next Tuesday's show.
MattMan_1_00 - Sep 5, 2009
Loved the song, and Cari has such a beautiful voice! Definitely one of the best songs and singers I've heard in a looooooong time!
kyril96 - Oct 31, 2009
"I may yet get cancer, but I will never rust"...I still love that line.
SailorVoid - Nov 2, 2009
I loved this song just from the title. I make sure to listen to it often when I'm driving to work. Sometimes I catch myself singing it there, too. Gotta be careful, though, since I work for Whole Foods.
SailorVoid - Nov 2, 2009
I loved this song just from the title. I make sure to listen to it often when I'm driving to work. Sometimes I catch myself singing it there, too. Gotta be careful, though, since I work for Whole Foods.
NotQuiteNormal - Sep 17, 2010
I was browsing the archives and this song caught my attention. WHY? Because I work at Garden Fresh Gourmet in the Dips department... which makes WHOLE FOODS all natural dips and hummus. I guess working until 1:05 A.M. today isn't enough. I also have to hear songs about the hummus we just ran today. Great song though! I really enjoyed it.
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maxgoof - Aug 4, 2009
How do you do it? This is so full of awesome.