Ya know I can only come out at night
Cause I can't come in contact with sun light
If I touch a bible then it burns my hands
If I eat your garlic then I'll get a rash
All of my dates are a total wreck
Cause the girls always say I'm a pain in the neck
You see she'll order a cosmopolitan
While I'll want a glass of AB positive
They say I look pale but it's hard to tell
Cause when I looked in a mirror, didn't see myself
I got slicked back hair and pointy teeth
I look normal only on Halloween
I'm chillin' with the villains every Friday night
With my main dawg mummy, and Frankenstein
I got a phobia for wooden stakes
And last week I just bought a blood blank
You can make your donation
Then later I'll be tastin'
Cause there's no point in wastin'
All this fine crimson drink
They all try to fight me
Even though they said bite me
I know I'm kind of frightening
But c'mon, who's the tease

I only come out at night, lookin' to score a quick bite
In fact you might say at night I could have a killer appetite
I frighten all of my victims 'cause I'm a broody scary dude
And then I chase 'em all over the place because I just love the fast food
I'm sharpening up my fangs with an emery board
A secret door that's under my floor is where all the bodies are stored
I keep a couple alive, chained up in the back
For when I first get up in the morning and I need a midnight snack
I can't get at anyone unless they invite me into their house and
You won't catch me out on the beach without SPF 4000
But don't be thinkin' that I'm weak just 'cause I'm a geek that comes out at night
'Cause I can destroy those wussy vamps that you saw in Twilight
Sometimes I'll have Count Chocula for breakfast
And I prefer my steaks rare instead of sticking out of my chest
I had fair skin when I was a human and now I couldn't be paler
Still and asthmatic nerd, so call me Vlad The Inhaler
You say you think that I'm weak? well bite your tongue
No wait, allow me, and you'll be forever young
Your hair will never go gray, you'll live forever and a day
Vampire's suck, but in a very good way 

You wanna hang with the gang with the fangs, yo?
Then give me that neck, one bite your in
Yo, you wanna roll, ya know I ain't got a soul
And I'm not that old, I'm 900 and 1
Can only come in your house if you invite 
Half any hour later you'll say please don't bite me
I live in a castle in Transylvania
I'll take the veins, while the zombies de-brain ya
Got a king sized coffin big enough for two
That all my girl minions want to get into
If I see the sun then I'll be melting
And I ya know I gotta diss that foo Van Helsing
Got my homies in da hood, and we're rather well fed
Some call us ghouls, we prefer the un-dead
Cause people are afraid of me in my town
Some call me the devil, most call me the count
They try to flee, those chicks don't see
That when I bite them there mine for eternity
There dressed in black cause of my attack
Cause once you go Drac you don't go back!