There's a bar down here at the edge of space
Where I can drink blue liquid 'til I'm blue in the face
Look over to where the beers are kept at
Grab one with my mind and guide it into my hand
With the Force as my ally and nothing to lose
I'm a redneck jedi, and I love to abuse
All the powers that the fates have given me
My metaclorean count? It's like a zillion and three and shit
You wanna mess with me? You better step off
I got a lightsaber and I'll cut your hand off
Steal your beer and make you walk away
Be like, "This ain't the brew you're looking for and you can go on your way"
Hey, what can I say? I play it like I see it
If it looks LIGHT SIDE I'm-a use the Force to try and beat it
Don't get me wrong - I'm dark, but I ain't Sith
Just want to let you fuckers know just who you're dealing with
When I ain't drinking I'm in the garage
Got tools, droid parts, and a Snap-On calendar on the wall
And it's been stuck up on September for quite a while
'Cause that's the month that Carrie Fisher's in her slave attire
The hydro-spanners are all made by Craftsman
And if you try and touch 'em I'm-a break your ass, man
Don't get me started, I'm a hell of a guy
There ain't nothing quite as wily as a redneck jedi
Yee-Haw!

Installed a new power converter on my T-14
But I still gotta paint the primer color offa my wing
So let's close the hood and see if this puppy can fly
'Cause I'm the redneck jedi
Stormtroopers hate me 'cause I drink and I whore
And get into big cantina battles with my lightsaber sword
Darth Maul couldn't beat me, but I'd sure love to see him try
'Cause I'm the redneck jedi

My wardrobe is a drab collage
Of Wookiee-skin leather tool belts and robes painted camouflage
My speeder's got a flat bed in the back
A "Rebels Rule" bumper sticker and a blaster on the gun rack
You ain't seen a wretched hive full of scum and villainy
Until you've been to a party with me
Word
We never quit doing crazy shit
Like taking turns tossing Jawas in the Sarlacc pit
BURP
A Stormtrooper caught me whistling Dixie
Pulled out a blaster 'cause he thought it would fix me
I squeezed my thumb and forefinger like that
And then I stole the Trooper's wallet and I bought me a six pack
The Force is strong in this good ol' boy
Kept the moisture farm for years, even though I've been unemployed
The evaporaters all work fine
At turning Dagobah flora into high-test moonshine
My uncle-daddy was the big galoot
That told me "Son, come and join the Dark Side, it'll be a hoot"
And it's a fact that I can't deny
There ain't nothing quite as fun as being a redneck jedi
Yee-Haw!

Ted Nugent blastin' on the ol' eight track
Of the Y-winger bomber as I'm on the attack
I once killed an Ewok just to watch it die
'Cause I'm the redneck jedi
A wave of my hand and a bat of my lash
And I just bought a Nubian Cruiser for Monopoly cash
Hell, even Toydarians don't stop to wonder why
'Cause I'm the rednecki jedi

Well, I was cruisin' down in Tatooine
When I met a little woman by the name of Shmi
The way she looked at me, the way she met my gaze
Reminded me that I ain't seen a woman in days
Well, I said let's go, she said she wanted to, but
She was a slave who was owned by Gardula the Hutt
Well, she changed her mind with a wave of my hand
Then we went to her place through the blistering sand
A couple beers and I was ready to go
I used my mind to make her clothing all drop to the floor
Yo, her naked body was a sight to behold
So much so, that I forgot all the advice I was told
About, "wrap that gator, no questions later"
How was I supposed to know I would ejaculate Vader?
Well, I felt a disturbance in the Force as I came
Slapped Shmi on the ass and yelled "What's my name?"
She said, "Oh Anakin, I think I'm in love,
"And if you marry me then I will be proud to bear your son,
"Little Annie, you and me, could be a happy family,
"And you could use your jedi might to make the slaves all free!"
Whoops
Child support and emotional strings?
A redneck jedi craves not these things
So I wiped her memory so I could deny
That Little Annie's big daddy was a redneck jedi

I used my jedi power to wipe her memory clean
So she couldn't tie the birth of Little Annie to me
'Cause paying child support is enough to make you cry
Even a redneck jedi
Now the Sith is gonna win and the Republic is doomed
Because a cosmic-powered hick wanted to get some poon
But I doubt you could get me to care even if you try
'Cause I'm the redneck jedi.

May the Force be with y'all.